Addressing Our Deepest, Darkest Truths
These scary good memoirs are a treat
Horror isn’t my thing. Because I put so much effort into calming my brain, the sensory overload of scary movies isn’t how I choose to celebrate the season. But give me a good book that takes on real-life, psychological turmoil, and I’m in.
Words make life’s tough stuff easier to digest. They show me new perspectives on other people’s pain and present new ideas for soothing my own. As Daniella Mestyanek Young, author of Uncultured, noted in her interview with me last fall, sometimes we’re drawn to certain types of stories before we realize they can help us understand our own.
Whether you’re into themes of body image, grief, pain, recovering from abuse, or prefer to keep it a little lighter, this fall has so much to offer in the genre of memoir. Here are four of my latest reads I think you might also enjoy.
1. Brutalities: A Love Story, by Margo Steines
For fans of Melissa Febos, Brutalities is a must-read. Febos and Steines share the same unflinching pen that gets at the heart of realities so many of us ache to see articulated. From the vantage point of her high-risk, pandemic pregnancy, Steines embarks on a literary excavation of the many lives she’s lived. Masculinity, power, and pain are the undercurrents of her experiences as a dominatrix, homesteader, professional welder, and MMA enthusiast.
“I regret none of the seeking I did. Not one strike, not one moment. I know in a deep true place that I needed all those blows to the face, all those not-quite-right moments, to finally understand the tremendous power of gentle love.” Brutalities: A Love Story, by Margo Steines
While I’ve shared few of her life experiences, I found myself fascinated with her descriptions of welding and MMA, historically hyper-masculine endeavors in which I’ve had zero interest, until now. There are so many complex truths laid bare in these pages, including insights into body image and compulsive exercise. The beginning is especially intense, but please keep reading. Nestled in the core of Steines’ repetitive drive toward pain is her inner mandate to make peace with what it means to be human and vulnerable to hurt. Anything else this author writes is guaranteed a space on my bookshelf.
2. Hell if We Don’t Change Our Ways, by Brittany Means
Blurbs by Kiese Laymon and Jeannine Ouellette landed this book on my list of most anticipated memoirs of fall. That should have been my tip-off to expect an intense read. For those who are easily triggered, please proceed with caution. This memoir contains few places to rest between events and confronts a strong cocktail of trauma—sexual abuse, addiction, poverty, racism, and religious extremism.
“When you control the narrative, you get to shape how it lives in your mind.” Hell if We Don’t Change Our Ways, by Brittany Means
With that being said, Means has constructed a work of art from her life. There are admirable literary nuggets throughout. I absolutely adore the closing scene. I suspect her story will help many others feel seen and less alone in their recovery. For readers who haven’t experienced this magnitude of trauma, Means’ memoir is an important window into the invisible pasts so many people carry with them on a daily basis.
3. The Night Parade: A Speculative Memoir, by Jami Nakamura Lin
When I saw Lin speak on a panel at AWP 2022, she confessed that reality isn’t her strong suit. Her propensity for dreaming, speculating, and wondering is what makes The Night Parade a one-of-a-kind read. Using Japanese mythology, she explores her experience of bipolar disorder, parenthood, partnership, and her father’s death from cancer, all of which are profoundly connected.
Her memoir is a sort of book-length essay—a form she notes is especially suited for questioning and uncertainty. She also employs an impressive repertoire of points of view, including storytelling, third-person past, second-person present (as if addressing the reader directly), narrating herself as heroine, and monologuing to her daughter. I especially enjoyed how she invokes the imagery of a parade of spirits as she progresses through labor overnight, a scene I read the day after supporting my sister-in-law through her own birth.
“Mostly I wonder: Are these the only two stories? The one, where you defeat your monster, and the other, where you succumb to it?” The Night Parade: A Speculative Memoir, by Jami Nakamura Lin
Lin is a deep thinker. I so relished her reflections throughout. The Night Parade was originally scheduled to be published October 24. Because a cargo ship held the print copies hostage somewhere between Italy and the United States, the new publication date is November 7.
4. Wine Witch on Fire: Rising from the Ashes of Divorce, Defamation, and Drinking Too Much, by Natalie MacLean
I love the witchy theme running through this memoir, which relays one of the most transformative periods in wine reviewer and author Natalie MacLean’s adult life. I dove in expecting to most relate to her experiences around divorce, single parenthood, and dating in middle-age. While I absolutely did connect with her thoughts and emotions around those events, I was surprised to find myself nodding along while reading about her brutal time at the center of an online mob, spurred by her real-life colleagues.
“My life had become separate livestreams: one online and the other next to it when I got up from the computer. Where did I end and online begin? I couldn’t tell anymore.” Wine Witch on Fire, by Natalie MacLean
It’s an experience more and more writers can relate to, especially writers who happen to be women who write about their lives. I also appreciated her insights into the ways misogyny manifests in the wine industry and how the opposite of addiction is connection. This was such an entertaining and enlightening read, and I’m thankful to have had a chance to read it.
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