In Search of a Salve: Memoir of a Sex Addict, by KE Garland

FL author gets real about recovery and toxic family dynamics

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When I saw that KE Garland hails from Florida, I knew I wanted to read her memoir. A blend of coming-of-age and recovery, In Search of a Salve: Memoir of a Sex Addict is a story about a girl who grows up in an adoptive family, experiences early childhood sexual abuse, and loses her mother in her teens. From there, she’s sent to live with her grandma and eventually finds herself married and caught in a cycle of addiction, mainly sex and alcohol abuse. 

This is an intense, thoughtful read with much to be gleaned from a woman of color who is unafraid to get real. Like many people in our heteronormative society, I’m so used to looking at cheating as a one-dimensional problem involving moral failing and poor self control. Hearing Garland’s story gave me compassion for all parties involved in such situations and helped me better wrap my mind around how a person can land in sex addiction.

In the world of mental health, sex addiction is controversial. It’s not listed as an independent diagnosis in the DSM-5 but can be part of other mental health conditions. As a reader, I wondered: how does a person go about distinguishing sex addiction from a normal biological drive or a propensity toward a relationship model like polyamory?

While Garland somewhat touches on these topics, she mostly sticks to her own well-plumbed experience. This is why I find memoir so compelling. An author may not have definitive answers that apply to everyone, but they can be open and generous with what they’ve learned in their own lived experience. In showing what sex addiction has been like for her, Garland is clear, vulnerable, and authentic. 

Her mostly chronological narrative starts in childhood and continues through her life in middle adulthood. Much of the book is set in Jacksonville, the Florida city I call home. In my college days, I graced some of the same clubs she visited, which made many of her scenes that much more vivid for me.

I appreciate that this memoir shows what sex addiction can feel and look like from a woman’s perspective. It also reveals how she and her partner chose to navigate her personal struggle at various stages of their relationship. I have so much respect for the level of self analysis, therapy, emotional processing, and bravery it must have required to write this book. On top of that feat, it’s written in an engaging manner that held my interest, made me think, and left me with a new perspective.

I would expect this book to be helpful for anyone with an active problem or history with addiction, especially sex or love addiction. Partners of people who have troublesome or uncontrollable dynamics around love and sex will also find much to consider in these pages. And finally, adoptees and anyone with dysfunctional family-of-origin dynamics, including mother wounds and daddy issues, may benefit from these stories. I’m thankful to have this narrative in the world and hope it reaches the people who need it.